Terbit setelah Djenar Maesa Ayu

Sudah pukul satu

Dan aku termanggu.

Pada lidah yang berpagut padu

Pada lenguh desah yang beradu

Pada lutut yang bertumpu

Pada jemari yang melagu

Pada tubuh yang bertemu

Pada mata yang tersipu

Pada wajah yang lugu

Pada jiwa yang merindu

Untuk hidup yang melucu

Dan jumpa kita melawan waktu.

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Ucap Perpisahan, Dadah!

DADAH!

 

Jadi, saya berkeputusan untuk berhenti menulis pada blog dengan akun distraksidinihari.wordpress.com ini dan beralih ke akun yang belum jadi.

I want to rest my case here dan memulai menulis dengan hati yang penuh.

Dengan kategori yang benar,

dan ekspresi yang membuncah juga.

 

Untuk itu, hendaknya yang gemar berkunjung kesini, sila meninggalkan komentar atas satu unggahan atau pun atas akun ini secara keseluruhan.

Berikut informasi kontak surel untuk dihubungi : yoanoktvmar@gmail.com.

 

Selamat tinggal dan selamat jalan, semua!

 

To you. Oh, I’m sorry.

Your existence soothe me.

And your slow pacing kisses chill me to the bone.

If there’s more night to come, when the moon is high and lovers making love to clear sky and loud moan,

And when you don’t wanna leave yet,

I would like to promise you another great nights like this.

To hands lock on each other.

And neighbor knocking our door.

But above all, darling.

Your presence give me ease.

Says a girl to her lover shadow.

As he soon leaves the apartment and left the door open.

Creating space and whole apart.

Disaat Menulis, Aku Kehilanganmu

Sudah agak siang.

Entah pukul berapa, yang pasti matahari sudah tinggi dan silaunya agak menyengat.

Berkas-berkas cahayanya sudah panjang, dan suhu ruangan tidak sedingin malam lalu.

 

Malam lalu.

 

Aku bergidik, bukan karena suhu dan sembur AC, tidak.

Aku bergidik karena sosok yang masih lelap terbaring disisi. Yang menarik selimut sampai dagu dan mendengkur lemah lelah.

Aku bergidik karena kamu dan malam. Dari sesapan kopi dan anggur, obrolan panjang dan beberapa debat, dan pasti, kerusuhan di atas kasur.

 

Dan aku hendak menulis.

 

Seperti selalu, aku membawa buku catatan dan pulpen gel kemana pun. Menyalakan pemanas air, merobek kopi sachet dan menuangkan bubuknya lalu air panas, aku siap menulis.

Mengambil duduk diatas kursi rotan beraksesoris bantal putih, menyilakan kaki, menghadap jendela, aku bersiap menulis. Aku akan menulis.

Aku sedang menulis.

 

Pertama, kita mulai dari kaki.

Kukumu cantik terawat berpoles warna merah. Memang tidak kecil dan aku tidak peduli. Kakimu harus cukup besar menopang karya sebesarmu.

 

Bunyi dengkur terhenti.

 

Dan kakimu, itu, ya Tuhan.

Jenjang, indah, dan kuat.

Hasil dari lari pagi bersama Archie dan Dante, ya? Tampaknya anjing kita kelelahan mengikuti ritme mu.

 

Suara gesekan lembut tekstil : gaun malam dari satin, selimut, dan bed cover. Perlahan, suara kaki berpijak diatas lantai kayu.

 

Lalu, kembali ku harus menyebut Tuhan, adalah lekuk pinggung, pinggang, dan panggulmu. Rasio kesempurnaan yang nyata. Tidak sangatlah besar secara berlebihan, tapi besar dengan skala sempurna dan tepat untuk memanja mata. Kamu pun tahu benar itu.

 

Gaun satin itu tidak ketat tapi Tuhan, pun demikian lekuknya masih tampak nyata. Berdiri di depanku, tanpa kata. Tangannya terangkat dan terjulur, hendak meraih dagu. Namun ia ragu, dan membelai puncak kepala ku saja. Mencium kening, dan beranjak menyeduh air untuk membuat teh chamomile.

 

Kita perlahan naik. Lekuk dari dada sampai pinggang mu itu memiliki kurva sempurna. Seperti potongan bulan setengah sempurna itu. Bersinar dan mengambil atensi. Bagian torsomu memang tidak besar namun aku tidak peduli. Sudah tepat bersanding dengan pinggang, pun bagian itu selalu menarik.

 

Suara air diseruput, lalu diletakan diatas meja. Suara langkah yang hampir sama seperti gesek angin, penanda ia bergerak dan mendekat. Ia kembali berdiri, hendak diperhatikan atau diucapkan selamat pagi. Sampai-sampai ia meraih daguku dan menghadapkan dengan dagunya sambil membungkuk. Gaun malamnya longgar dan agak terkesiap. Lalu aku berdebar, selalu.

 

Tulang selangkamu. Tajam.

 

Tanganku ditarik dan diletakan ke pinggangnya. Kepalaku terpaksa bersandar di perutnya. Satin yang lembut itu tidak lecek.

 

Kita sekarang diwajah. Oh, dari mana aku harus memulai? Oke bibirmu. Penuh dan tentu, sensual. Dan, matamu. Sungguh, matamu. Aku sangat bisa menghabiskan satu hari penuh untuk menatapmu saja. Karena matamu penuh telisik, atensi, afeksi, pernah juga melempar marah, namun dua yang terpenting, menjadi santap malam diatas kasur dan penuh pengetahuan. Kuat dan penuh.

 

Dia mencoba masuk mencari rengkuh. Mendudukan diri diatas dan menghadapku tepat, mencoba mencari pandang. Melingkarkan tangannya dileher dan kembali membelai, bahkan, menyisir rambutku. Mencoba menarik lepas kacamata. Mencoba.

 

Tapi kemudian, sayang, adalah dirimu seutuhnya. Perangai dan tabiat, pikiran serta tindak keseharianmu. Kamu selalu bicara lugas namun lembut. Realitas adalah prioritas. Pun, kamu selalu jenaka. Aku terkadang mendapatkan diri bicara tentang satu paradigma bersamamu dan tergelak karena lelucon sarkas. Atau disaat kita berdebat, betapa serius dan cekatan kamu dalam menyanggah. Tidak mau digoyahkan. Tapi kamu lembut. Kamu lah yang membukakan temali sepatu dan melepas kaos kaki ku tadi malam karena aku terlalu mabuk untuk melakukan semua itu, bukan?

 

Suara derung. Entah derung apa.

 

Kamar ini menjadi hening seketika. Memang tidak ada musik atau apapun lagi, tapi ini sunyi yang berbeda. Mengedarkan pandangan, perempuan bergaun malam satinku tidak ada. Pun tas dan kunci mobilnya.

 

Perempuanku pergi. Aku kehilangan dia disaat aku sedang menulis tentangnya.

 

As easy as Sunday Morning

You know what I love from Saturday?

Booze.

And how the day let us to be reckless.

Cheap booze and shot at our favorite bars. High five to the bartender!

Playing machine game in corner. Tossing random target on billoard balls. Making out at the dimmest spot.

Now we’re on the tipsy-drunk state.

And a rough journey from bar door to Uber – please do sober up! Act normal.

My room is not the most neat in neighbourhood, but I put things in place.

And we wreck it all.

You pull out your polaroid and taking random pictures. I mess my board to seek for that cheap fake fur scarf to have pose with.

And sipping for more and more booze.

Ordering Mc Donalds.

Stripping down.

Laughing our ass off as you trip off of my rug.

Now it’s Sunday morning.

Sun comes striking in pushing my eyes to open wide.

And you are there.

Curling up with head lay on my shoulder.

I stroke tenderly your ash brown hair. Down to your jaw and lip.

As I look around… My room is a mess. Fries everywhere and things are not in its place.

How come sock is on my tv?

But it’s all okay.

I let stuff to be shattered and we become reckless.

Because Sunday morning is easy.

And your presence here is what I need.

When We Shared Bed

When we share the same bed,

You’ll know how much I shed hair.

My cellulite and strech mark around my butt – yea that part of me develop much.

I sometimes snore.

You’ll know my edges.

My curves and arch of my back.

My tired luring eye.

And round lip. Which I love to bite and play.

My purple nail. And how much it runs to your mostly chest and face. I love to lingering my fingers, draw you down again.

You’ll know how much I talk.

Many issue and ideas.

You’ll see how blunt I am.

Sitting crossing leg and licking ice cream.

Or going wild with the beer.

You’ll know my song.

Much, who making me swaying slow and touching myself.

You will see me bare.

Naked and full at the same time.

Much, you will see me going down on you.

Care to Share?

Oh, hi there.

You sit alone here?

Yea I happen to see you across the room and damn, gin, lady? You are one of a few.

And damn, you are so hot.

Nothing much you share in this dress, not much cleavage nor side boobs. Or way too short I can see your butt cheek.

Just black dress which follow your edges.

Damn, your edges. You got curve and it has the top point from hip to your butt.

Doesn’t mean to be rude but damn, those curves.

And I see you are constantly shifting between reading and writing. And smoking, and sipping.

Sometimes you bite your pen. With that round red lip.

Oh, that round red lip.

And smudging some to your cigarettes.

Sometimes you sway your head to soft RnB song here. And lingering your finger from your lip, touching all your skin to your collar bone.

Sensually making tension to those who see tender movement of yours – and eye which burst fire.

As if you already know, someone across the room will go straight to your lure.

Ah, it’s me.

So, sweet lady, do you care to share a night with me?

I bet you are more than just butt and lip. Curve and luring eyes.

It’s your mind and existence I would like to go fuck as well.

I like the French Style

It was about 8.

I sat alone, sipping a cup of coffee and reading this new book I have.

And then you came. All tall and suit and tie.

 

We only have beer, one for each and bottle it up til the store close.

Cheap beers over talks – much I miss taste of good quality booze. And remembering that once gin tonic feels great!

“I can make that.”

 

So here we are, at your apartment room. 35th floor.

Where city provides it’s light and motion of its breathe.

Sudden suffocation of its beats.

 

Sexual Healing on playing.

 

I turn my head and you’re still making that gin tonic.

2 fancy glasses in front of my eyes – and lo-fi echoing the room.

I scroll the books store at your shelf you have.

You read Paulo Coelho much, huh?

 

Please, seat.

 

Smokes merely there, you ask me to open the window.

And we talk while sipping good quality of booze.

You got mad as I compare that fine wine smells with vodka.

 

The alcohol starts to kick in.

And I tell you I’ll go as soon as I sober up.

 

A firm hand grip me

Pull me closer

To beating heart layer with white shirt and suit.

And closer.

To lip which resonance the vibe of night tune

 

I call your name

Lot and lot

As midnight swift to dawn and turn my city to it deep sleep death

 

Come Back to Bed, pretty please?

Come back to bed.

And let’s never leave.

.

Let’s never put on underwear ever again.

And shiver due to morning shower.

.

Let’s never take bus at 7 for work at 8.

And making coffee shot to jump off your morning.

.

Let’s never wonder what for lunch.

And food coma aftermath.

.

Let’s never leave the bed.

Let’s do it all over again what we’re just finish.

Let’s eat on bed.

Let’s roll to each other.

.

Since I’m still wearing your work shirt,

I won’t let you leave.

You have no permit to leave the bed.

And, you can’t.

Luke Warm Water

It’s been a long day.

She woke up a little too late this morning.

Her room is a mess when she left for work.

She didn’t even put her brow right!

Phone call rush as her sat on her chair.

Oh, it’s starting. The works mode hectic.

Zombie mode.

At around 4, she got a phone call. From a guy that she would see for dinner.

“Yup, you can pick me up at 5. Okay, see you!”

Gentle rain started to pour in.

And she’s unwind. For these past days, months, and years.

*sounds of click and car door closed*

“Whoa, you are so soaked. Sorry for being late. Shall we?”

As she looked down to her shirt and skirt with some discolored stain of wet.

Wondered how she become this wet. She only stands for a bit under the grey clouds, tho.

Merely aware her whereabouts.

Still shiver and cold. Hot ocha doesn’t help. Sushi cheer her some bit of time.

“Drop me here. It’s okay, I will order Uber here. Yeah thanks!”

*sounds of click and car door closed*

It wasn’t so far to her flat. She started to walk and soaked even deeper with pretty rain pouring out. Blurring her gaze.

clicked.

sounds of door open and close.

She undressed, tossing all her bag and shoe towards any direction.

Grabbed a towel, rushing in to bathroom.

And set the heater to luke warm temperature.

She dwell and sway of ticking water that hits the bathroom floor.

Moving as small sort of rain ask her for a dance.

Leaning herself to wall.

Heading her face upwards and embracing drop of water.

Mesmerize by luke warm water, she’s alone.

I always be the one who half naked.

It’s 3:28 pm in Jakarta. Heat and sunlight coming thru like hell getting near.

 

And dash of me half naked around night memories hit like striking thru sun.

 

I recall I will always be the on who half naked.

On the very first encounters down to last,

On the backseat or on the floor,

I always be the one who half naked.

 

I was, don’t mind

With hands linger directly to my skin, and lip going crazy on my neck.

I was, don’t mind

When your hand grabbing my thigh firm and slowly dance to my core.

I was, don’t mind

With you always be the one who pleased.

I was, don’t mind

To drive around midnight.

 

I always be the one who half naked.

And you always be the one who never get undress, except the zip of your pant.

I was, don’t mind

Getting exploit

 

And this sudden realization,

What a slave of foolish, I was.

 

I always be the one who half naked,

Embodies the flaw of law attraction.

 

How much I miss the taste of your lip

cig lit

lip seal

and skin to skin

 

as my vision is already blurred,

but darling

it’s vivid clear how we sway at night

 

and the reminiscing taste of your lip

tho it sips some beers

and smoke some cigars

 

it still as tasteful as I last remember.

 

the dark getting the night seal

and that’s what I need

night getting colder

but our heat sparks fire

 

this night is mysterious

and we ride it as we never gonna stop

again and again

breathing the sinful clouds

 

and here I am,

sitting on a balcony with cigar lit linger on my finger

trace it back to pieces

to your lip

 

How much I miss the taste of your lip

Around midnight, She has a thrill ride.

It’s midnight.

Minimum notions of city breathe & dim lights wrap the town.

 

And she choked.

With eyes open, sight seeing is limited wide of ceiling – almost all dark and slight light beam striking thru off the clear looking glass.

Reflecting to what left of the world : moon and cloudy sky.

And with the help of it,

She is able to see a figure who’s on top of her.

Whom shadow cover its eyes,

but it doesn’t able to hide its gaze.

 

Swaying all way thru around.

Up and down, back and forth.

 

It is dancing. Tender moves.

With delicate swipe of skin to skin.

 

Bare and majestic.

 

But firm still,

 

give some sort of shock striking and chilling to bones.

Alerting all the nerves and mucles.

 

She is sinning to the night.

Silhouette of a Shadow

Sounds of howling dog wake me up.

‘This puppy must be hungry’.

As I try to shake of my sheet and wake up, what hold me the most is your arm who stretch its way to hold wrap all my body.

My almost naked body with just night gown that barely cover a thing.

But foremost, darling, is your lingering smell and how you make me feel thru out the night.

Leaving the bed will always be hard time for me.

 

Thus I will savor every edges of your skin while you asleep.

Every turn of your body,

Every muscle of your arm,

The hard tender of your chest,

Every layer of your hair,

Every corner of your lip.

 

My fingers will dance and sway upon it. Slow as it will never leave.

I take a glance of what God has created.

This perfection and flaw in one creature.

The sleeping Greek God.

 

My fingertips draw on your lip, memorizing every corner.

And this puppy bark.

I, with reluctant, shake off my sheet and stand.

Taking last glance of a sleeping man safe and sound on a crib.

And shiver as I remind what he’s capable of when he’s awake.

 

‘Yea I will feed you. Here’s puppy, eat a lot’

I lean on the wall while watching this puppy eat like this is his last meal.

And my mind is empty as it’s midnight and I barely functioning.

 

Somewhat I feel the air on my back is mild and ticklish.

Like wind softly blows between trees at Fall. A pleasant blows.

And I see a silhouette of dark shadow rise upon me.

Perfectly fit and wrap mind under the low dim light.

I know I will be more than pleased to embrace whatever crawl behind me.

Soft and firm touch of your arm wrap my body,

And delicate kiss you drop on my neck.

I shiver.

 

I do remember what he capable of.

 

And gently you turn me to face you and I barely breathe.

I close my eyes to suck all the moment when you linger your finger up from my hair and down to my ear.

And down to my hand.

 

Grabbing it gently but firm, you lead my way.

I know what you capable of.

 

And I know you will conduct the same performance you showed.

Morning After

ah.

with mild hangover and spin of my head I barely open my eyes and functioning.

how many drinks I drank last night, I cannot count.

as I slowly try to separate the lid between my eyes, the sun striking thru hard and shut my attempt.

slowly adapting to the light, I open my eyes.

And there you are,

 

Beside me, sleeping safe and sound.

With jawline hit and lip seal as it is has the world deepest secret.

and shut eyes of you, darling, cannot contain how it spark universe greatest sightseeing.

depth of abyss.

 

I run my fingers within your forehead,

all thru your ear, jaw, and chin.

I knocked it as it will open your sealed lip.

 

My linger finger dance to your nose,

touch it as it is part of art,

admiring every edges.

 

And down to your cupid bow.

I draw your lip all way thru.

Slowly spinning it all way thru.

I want to picturise and keep it in my memory.

 

I shiver as I remember what that lip capable of.

I lean in more and more to your open arm and bust my head to your bare chest.

Bare hard delicate chest.

 

My finger cannot contain the urge to do another dance, my apologize.

Finger tipping on your shoulder, firm shoulder.

It pacing its way to your arm so tender and smooth.

It moves as it doesn’t want to leave,

Because again, dear, it moves it way to memorize every edge of you.

Inch to inch, every nerve.

 

Down to your arm, my finger jump to your firm but delicate chest.

A place for my head to lay.

This one I don’t need to dance on as I remember every turn on it.

 

I snug deeper and deeper. I don’t care if the air starts to rare as I sink my nose to your embrace.

I just want to live here.

 

and then, a tender touch of soft lip land it kiss on my forehead.

I wake up the greek God and it throws the most suffocating smile I ever seen.

 

I shiver again.

As your hand caress my head,

dancing it off down to my shoulder.

And tipping to my arm,

my back,

and by one quick move I am in you. In your wrap.

 

Nothing but sheet and quilt on us.

And slowly creeping it way between us,

heat and sparks.

Of all rides we had before land of dream cathing in.

 

It’s up.

And we both about to start it again.

 

With the help of the playlist we made : Xx