Who’s Gonna Be There at 2, darling?

I actually had this, long time ago and, just got this one done now.

At 2 am alone on my bed. 

With Lost In Love by SNSD on playing. Why? I don’t know. Just random scroll on my Spotify playlist.
So I just had a talk with someone who pretty much remind me of how I should face things I’ve been neglect for so long.

And longing of mine to actually engage with not a fling of summer, and actual settle engagement.

And damn, having such mind in such dawn, I wonder who I can reach for ease.

Who will I annoy easily open hearted.

Who I can call for not so sober me gibberish-ing about world.

To be easily presence without psychical existence.

To ease all.

To let me breathe.

For snuggle.

For warmth.
All engagement been thru either bland or a majestic failure. 

And in 2 I kinda feel all blue.

Who’s gonna be there?

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Berhenti, Jakarta!

Ayolah, Jakarta.

Berhenti meraung.
Berhenti meneriakan riuh tinggi klakson kendaraan,

dan sumpah serapah insan-insan yang terjebak lengket jalanmu.
Berhenti meraung.
Berhenti pekikan asap-asap karbon karsinogenik 

dan hawa panas gila menggosok kulit.
Berhenti meraung.
Berhenti mendesak satu raga lelah dalam gerbong-gerbong moda 

dan jejalkan gedung-gedung tinggi.
Berhenti meraung.
Berhenti menggeret jiwa-jiwa sendu pada malam memabukkan

dan gelap yang sensual namun penuh bahaya.
Berhenti meraung.

Berhenti.
Memuakkan.

Membuat ku ingin mati.

When you kinda succ but also kinda curious what life has left to over

I’m not saying I have the most rough life to then, is okay to feel so. But the life matter it self is subjective so one to another may differ in term of issue, ability to deal to such, and else.
And in such stage of life, with such state mind, I kinda losing it. You know, spark to live. And that’s kinda suck. Why? Because then mind divert to some else in which, for current time, is doing it’s crazy way to develop such a-b-c thoughts. Not to mention, some of minor issue and major one kinda pressing me on to develop more dark thoughts. More unease. More I don’t deserve affection. More I never do good. More I’m a bad partner. More I don’t have reason to life. More hard for me to fake my smile.
Whoa already lengthy.
Sweet Lord Jesus if you ever exist.
Suck. It suck so bad.

That whatever now within me is a lunatic mixture of rage, anger, sad, not belong, not having essence of life and sort,

Not capable to function.

Days go by with me, nothing, function. In between robot day mode and swollen heart at night.
I wonder how can I keep alive.

We Both Wounded

Oh my dear.
What has the world has done to us?

What damage and hurt it’s been cause to us?

Thru violation and manipulation of trust.

Thru words and act of stupidity.
What world has been doing to us?

To our poor heart.

To our poor soul.

To tear our bone from flesh apart.

To make us feel hurt so much we kinda lose it.

How damaging it is, right?
Oh my dear.

I hear you cry last night.

And I’m still shaking to hear your sob.
It is too much, too much.

Space and time also make us apart.

Too much, it is too much.

Categories Xx

Pesan Sublimal Nafas Kota

Aku kembali mual.
Roda dua dan hiruk pikuk kota ini membuat sistem pencernaanku melumat semua objek kotornya.

Asap, keringat, wajah-wajah lelah, hati gelisah, dan arogansi.
Apa hanya gerakan fisik saja yang membuatku mual?

Ternyata tidak.
Unggahan di platform daring juga memuakan. 
Terlalu banyak, terlalu banyak. 

Suguhan Senja Jakarta

Ada yang aneh dengan kota ini.
Idealku, bangun pagi karena suara kokok ayam.

Dan sedikit kicau gosip ibu-ibu dan tukang sayur.

Tapi nyata, tidak.

Gerung mesin-mesin moda transportasi dan klakson.

Serta sedikit sumpah serapah.
Idealku, matahari menyambut langkah pertama dengan hangat.

Tidak lebih tidak kurang memancarkan dirinya.

Tapi tidak.

Jidatku mulai berkeringat.

Dan solekan ku mulai agak luntur.
Dan kala rusuh kerja sudah menghilang,

kembali aku berada di haluan jalan.

Tempat orang-orang menua, katanya.

Asap maki lelah dan basi jiwa bergulat

Berkemelut dengan aspal dan traffic light.

 

Oh Jakarta betapa aneh dirimu.

Betapa sedikit banyak membuat tanya-tanya baru.
Tapi senjamu begitu memikat.

Erat dan tajam.

Terkadang digoreskan sendu,

Terkadang sedikit sensual.

Torehan jingga ungu, birumu,

Lembayungmu

Oh Jakarta.

Khidmat.
Dan terkadang erotis.
Apa sih, yang rahasiamu?

Penenun riuh pada matahari

dan sontak hingar bingar kala bulan menjelang.

Makian dan asap monoksida yang sesaki siang

Kilap lampu dan alkohol jadi teman malam.

Categories Xx

I always be the one who half naked.

It’s 3:28 pm in Jakarta. Heat and sunlight coming thru like hell getting near.

 

And dash of me half naked around night memories hit like striking thru sun.

 

I recall I will always be the on who half naked.

On the very first encounters down to last,

On the backseat or on the floor,

I always be the one who half naked.

 

I was, don’t mind

With hands linger directly to my skin, and lip going crazy on my neck.

I was, don’t mind

When your hand grabbing my thigh firm and slowly dance to my core.

I was, don’t mind

With you always be the one who pleased.

I was, don’t mind

To drive around midnight.

 

I always be the one who half naked.

And you always be the one who never get undress, except the zip of your pant.

I was, don’t mind

Getting exploit

 

And this sudden realization,

What a slave of foolish, I was.

 

I always be the one who half naked,

Embodies the flaw of law attraction.

 

Categories Xx

Thoughts develop around 2 is ain’t nice

I wonder if one entity leave for eternal in universe,

Will others morns for its loss?

Will others hurt for its harm?

Will others also feel some part of em leave as well?
If they do feel that way

Is it some kind of ego and arrogant sort of feelings shared? 

Because you feel you have em for you and now it’s gone?

Will it be temporary?

Will the hole it potrays stay forever?
If entity leave for eternal in universe,

Will it stop from vain its been suffer?

Will it ever face God and its mighty ness?

Will it sees from above what go beyond below?

Will it find answer for life quest?
If entity leave for eternal in universe,
Will it stop asking questions?

Sebagai bentuk tanya dan retorika bagi Mu.

Look what this city has done to you, honey.

That blushed cheek but not because how heat of the sun hit it, that is way more reddish from the last time I see burst of your smile.
Your eyeliner is way too sharp it can kill a man, they said.
And what are those, strobing and higlighter? For pointing out that dimensions of your face?

Look what this city has done to you, honey.

You and your tumbler worth bucks which you just go to at 22 for trashy coffee?
And you seems not in comfort at that killing heels.
Geez you add almost a deci meter away from me in term of height!

Look what this city has done to you, honey.

You blink your eyes for times, I see that you use contact lense and that’s kinda make your eye watery, I suppose?
And I know how really damn good you are in a body con and now you keep pulling down thag too tight skirt down.
Your hand hold too many things. Keys and tumbler on your left, phone on your right.
And I see you switching from app to app, swiping left on Tinder and tapping twice on Instagram.

Look what this city has done to you, honey.

And let’s see before this city dissolve its poisoning breathe to you.
It might or might not be irrelevant but here I go.

I used to see you with mountain sandals and short with many pockets pant.
Well you do smear some lipstick and make your brow.
Sometimes I see you in dress and you burst in grace and sassyness in one entity.
With that glasses you go throughly from books to notebook at coffee book shop nearby, providing that squishy bean seat and CHEAP BUT GOOD BUT CHEAP, your favorite, Vietnam Drip.
You love to drive around town, during times with minimum notions.
And above all, honey, that glitz spark from your eye to the world.
As nothing can harm and rape your bliss.
Your genuine smile,
And heart full of passion and affection.

And look what this city has done to you, honey.

To pawns of metropolitan rapid pace rotation.

I hope you’re okay, honey.

My dear honey which reflection I stare from the hanging mirror of my room.