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Ugh.

Eksposure.

 

Antara telanjang

Dan polos

 

Berbaringlah aku.

 

Oleh rayu dayu air

Hanyutkan bawa sebuah sunyi

 

Ugh. Eksposure.

 

Bertelanjang bersama air

Gelombang ngiangkan frasa

“Tidur tenang, dalam, dan selamanya

Wahai sayang.

 

Wahai mahluk berlekuk

Dan berpikiran masam.

Sini, tidur.

Leburkan komponen kotormu

Biarkan kami, air, urai.

Beri rehat kulitmu

Sentuhkan dengan alunan kami

Yang, menenangkan, bukan?

Telanjangi ragamu

Tidak dingin kami memelukmu

Atau terlampau hangat merengkuhmu.

 

Matikan. Matikan!

Inderamu.

Jadilah buta.

Jadilah tuli.

Jadilah tuna – tuna.

Jangan lagi dirimu lelah,

dengan apa yang sudah luar sana penetrasikan

Pada, mu.

 

Bunuhlah dirimu.

Dengan kami.

Hanyut lembut dayu mesra.

Rayu gila yang tenang.

Ya kami, air. Komponen yang menghanyutkan.”

 

“Ugh,” kataku.

“Bajingan yang benar!”

Eksposure tidak pernah semurni ini

Telanjangku tidak pernah sebahagia ini.

Polosku tidak pernah sesiap ini.

Air cukup banyak melebur

Menyesap dan menjadi satu bersama

Ku.

 

Maka, kuputuskan

Aku akan mati bersama air.

Eksposure hakiki ku kepada suatu entitas.

Lahir, Hidup, Mati.

A tribute for Pedro. 

 

Minggu, 17 April 2016. Pagi jam setengah 8, my mum woke me up and crash my morning with these sentence : “Bangun, Pedro meninggal.”

Rushing out, waking up life-less, eating lunch with no appetite, I went to Pedro.

This tiny creature, Doby cast look alike, sleeping safe and sound, forever.

And detail after that I cannot write. I cannot bare it.

So Pedro is a given dog from my cousin. He had white pale fur, reddish nose, and stupid stare. Yang setiap kali dimarahin will roll over, ask for a belly rub.

OMG I tear myself now.

Jadi, Pedro udah menjadi bagian keluarga selama kurang lebih 2 tahun. Ever since, we’ve been through up and down until this morning.

Pedro udah pernah sakit sebelumnya, sekitar 4 bulan lalu sampai di infus dan.. I promise myself to take care of him more. But I failed.

Semingguan yang lalu Pedro gamau makan lagi. I thought, he’s just behaving. Until 2 days ago, simptons nya muncul lagi. And I started my routine when I used to take care of him when he was sick, racik bubur kasih obat disuapin pake suntik. All over.

My heart breaks in this part.

Until this late night, I felt nothing. Well, not nothing but more like zombie. Life-less. Heart-less. Til I’m making this post.

Hmm, this familiar pain and vain. Your regret, the emerging memories, regrets, and never ending sorry.

 

Death is indeed most painful event. You started to formulate your own hurricane of what YOU might be done, what YOU should be done, IF JUST scenarios, regret, apologize, and love. And these create hole inside you. So large you feel life-less.

 

Maaf ya Pedro, if in your 2 years of life I’m not giving you much pleasure.

You gave so much to me. Every dog in my lige gave so much and I return little to them.

Semoga kamu gak sakit lagi ya Pedro. See you when I see you, Pedro!

And Naomi!

And Russel!

And Spike!

And Brownie!

And Naughty!

And Copy!

 

Be good dog wherever you are. I’m sorry, and I love you guys. Always.

 

5 Undervalued Aspects of Being Single – a duet of EliteDaily and my thought

Found this on my Tumblr. Yes, I have Tumblr. But I that platform is for more wild thought of mine.

So, I bump myself to this post in Elite Daily and try to imply with the real deal in me. Yup, these short descriptions I had reading these 5 points and my thought, in duet.

 

1. I learned valuable lessons. As I observed the dynamics of relationship from my taken friends as ‘relationship encyclopedias’, I compile all these to formulate the relationship that I need and I want and the how-to.

2. High school sweetheart-have none.

3.I’m awesome at talking the stranger. As the pick-up-line ‘ada yang marah gak nih kalo gue chat?’ won’t gimme boundaries to socialize. Longtime singles are used to navigate situations without partner, I’ll adapt unfamilliar conditions and emerge with friends with friends-and crush.

4.I’ve developed solid standard. All people are different and contra and help me to determine what I want and I do not want. I’m not fall to every guys I meet and willing to hold the passionate connection I expect.

5.I’ve grown to be very independent. Autonomy is by product of being single. My independence has lead me to thrive by my ownself. I support myself, fuel personal, and solely responsible for my quality of life.

Halo!

Oh, hello there new posts!

New platform!

 

So in this platform I dedicate for not-so personal stuff and more public acceptable posts.

Yang tidak vulgar. HAHA!

 

And here is stuff to develop myself with acknowledgement of oneself, or others.

Of objects, of weather.

Of a book, a laughter.

Of a memory, a moment.

 

I can assure you that in this post, only longing for more decent stuff.

Tidak akan galau.

Well, setelah satu dua masa meratap, I’m that kind of girl who wake up and list a vision.

So, in this platform, will be fill by my vision.

 

See you around!